i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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