Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize