Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
