Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
