remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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