Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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