Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
