ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
