You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
