OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
