I think I died a long time ago.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
