I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
