respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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