My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
