We're facebook friends in real life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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