she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
