don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
