Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
