accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
