i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
