I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
