Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
