all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
