your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
