We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
