Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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