that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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