My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
