12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize