Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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