My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
