i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
