I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
