just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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