Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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