i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
