Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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