I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize