i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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