right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
