apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
COCAINE IS GR8
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
