your parents love me but you hate me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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