I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
