He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
