I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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