I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
