im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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