The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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