Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
