oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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