he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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