How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
