Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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