shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
