Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
