I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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