If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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