Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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