Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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