she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My pussy is not your playground.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Houston, we have a blender
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
