thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
