Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
