And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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