we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
