Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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