Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
