it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
