dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
