Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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