I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
