You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And then he peed in my hair
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