I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
