FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize