mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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